I missed my weigh in this week. To be honest I have had a long first week back at work and I have been dealing with a lot of pain and swelling in my arm. I needed to give myself a break. I haven’t been on plan this week and I am afraid my weight might be up. When I first started this journey 3 years ago, I did not think I would be able to lose any weight. It is easy to find excuses but it is not easy to be consistent. I think consistency is what helped me to be successful for the first 2 years. I was on a food plan and working out 5/6 days a week.
I haven’t worked out for almost 2 weeks. I think finding something your passionate about and loving what your doing can change working out from a chore to something your look forward to doing. I found my passion in strongman. Since my injury, I have struggled to find something that I feel as passionate about. Ask any strongman or weight lifter if they would have the same passion for Zumba, if they had to give up lifting and strongman. It is just not the same. This past year I have wanted to throw in the towel so many times. Even, with support from my crossfit coaches , I have felt unsure about my work outs and what to do. I worry about causing more injury to my arm. My workouts have basically focused on my legs and cardio.
Emotionally, the pain and the injury have taken a toll on me. I struggle with the fact that I trusted someone, they let me down and I got hurt that person took no responsibility but blames me. Pain changes you and this experience has changed me. Recently on Instagram, I have had to deal with some criticism from a guy who doesn’t know me or my story but seems to think I should just shut up and train. I am really over this mentality of grown ass men, who seem to think that struggling or asking for help makes you weak. If you are struggling, apparently you haven’t quit. If you ask for help, it means this is important to you. If more people who claim to be experts reached out and helped others, instead of judging, assuming, harming or causing injury, I think you would see more people in the gym trying. I wonder what advice he would give his mother, wife, sister, or daughter about my situation? But since he doesn’t know the story, I guess he can’t. To defend someone who has taken no responsibility for his actions is hard to understand. To attack another person based on hear say, makes your statements weak. When you don’t know the story, you should probably ask and at least have a conversation first. When you make a mistake, you own it, fix it and move on. You don’t blame the other person or get angry when they don’t stay quiet and stand up for themselves. I understand that people make mistakes, that you should talk it out, take responsibility for your part and move on. I did these things, and was met with anger, defense, lack of responsibility, blame, and hostility. The choice to take NO responsibility was his decision, how I chose to deal with that, my injury and my pain is my choice and my decision. This is not about blame. This is about broken trust and taking responsibility.
So, now, I deal with “what is” and try to figure out how to make it better. I am all about encouraging, supporting, and helping others but now I need to make myself a priority. I need to start being proud of my self for my failures, obstacles I have faced, never giving up and all the stuff I did right. It is now time to start getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, finding something to be passionate about again and start loving my workouts. I have a trainer who is helping me with core work, endurance, and cardio. What I need is a trainer to help, support, and guide me to start lifting weights again. And that my friends, scares me to death.
My goals for next week:
1. Food prep Sunday, so I can stay on plan. This really works!
2. Take my gym clothes to work with me, so I have no excuses.
3. Do some research on finding a one on one trainer to help with rehab and weight lifting.
4. Weigh in next Saturday. No excuses!